Wondering

Life can be such a pain sometimes you know? I know I should be blessed to live every day but what’s the point if you can’t have what you want? Sitting down thinking about certain people made me realized you can’t have everything you want no matter how hard you try even if you be nice to them. True they’re just friends but you wanted more. You kinda realized you were lonely. Lonely enough to fall for anybody that cross your eyes. Being lonely is a hard battle if you ask me… you try to fight it off trying to be around with different people or staying home watching random t.v shows and etc… it can really be a pain, it’s like you fighting demons because you wanna push everyone away from you and be lock up in your room all day unless you cooking or using the bathroom or leaving for work. You sit there and wonder when it’s going to end, who going to make it stop or will this pointless battle last forever… I have been out of place lately, my mind is gone 24/7 but I realize I just have to act my normal self, and that stay chilling at all times. Hanging with people who has good vibes, try to get my life back on track no matter who I meet, try to force myself to go out more and make new friends who can lift you up, all these things come to your mind so so easy, but it’s up to you if you wanna make that change. True certain people can make an impact on your life and they leave you for no reason( and no I not talking about my ex) got nothing but love for her…. but in the mean time, I’ll see how this battle go. Thank you for reading if you did.

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Words

You can keep it real while still being private.

I felt this and understand it.

Heart from of friend day-7

One of my childhood friends Jasmine Gilgosch who has CHD is doing this heart week post on Facebook. I know allot of people not award of this and she gave me permission to post each one on my blog. I been following her story for a while and I believe you should too. Below is day seven and I hope we all learn something because I’ll be posting all of them.

Day #7- Hope; I have so much hope for my future. All my life I never thought I would make it as far as I have. Sometimes it was because of my heart and other times it was because of my mental health. Then there were times it was both. Either way I never, ever thought I’d get this far in life and now that I have I know no matter how scared I might get I have hope and plans for my future.

I hope to finish my degree so I can teach Kindergarten. I hope to love myself fully and completely for the rest of my life. I hope to find love and a lasting relationship/marriage. Most of all though? I hope to be a mom one day. I don’t pray much or often but when I do it’s for that. I pray and pray and pray one day I’ll be a mom. All I’ve ever wanted out of life is to be a mom and deep down in my heart I know one day that hope and dream will come true.

#HRHS
#CHDWeek
#HeartMonth
#CHDAwareness

Heart from a friend day-6

One of my childhood friend Jasmine Gilgosch who has CHD is doing this heart week post on Facebook. I know allot of people not award of this and she gave me permission to post each one on my blog. I been following her story for a while and I believe you should too. Below is day six and I hope we all learn something because I’ll be posting all of them.

Day #6- Care Team; My main three doctors growing up were Dr. Quintessenza, Dr. Giroud, and Dr. Martinez. All three of these men helped save my life whether it was through performing surgery on me or having routine check ups. I’m forever thankful for everything they’ve done for me these last 25 years.

#CHDWeek
#HRHS
#HeartMonth
#CHDAwareness

Heart week from a friend day-5

One of my childhood friend Jasmine Gilgosch who has CHD is doing this heart week post on Facebook. I know allot of people not award of this and she gave me permission to post each one on my blog. I been following her story for a while and I believe you should too. Below is day four and I hope we all learn something because I’ll be posting all of them.

Day #5- Heart Parent; My amazing, wonderful, fantastic, beautiful mother. She took me in when I was six months old and stood by my side through every doctor appointment, EKG, stress test, surgery, and everything else in between. She’s managed my medications, made my doctor appointments, made sure I had a healthy and controlled but normal life. She made sure even though I had CHD I lived like a normal kid. She gave me birthday parties at the bowling alley, movie theater, a hotel for my sweet sixteen! She let me have sleepovers and pool parties. She cooked for me and my friends, let me date, and just live life while maintaining my CHD.

I’m so thankful for this woman. She’s saved my life countless times in more ways than one and in some ways she has no idea about. I’m lucky to call her my mother. I love and miss her so much and can’t wait to see her again in July.

#CHDWeek
#HRHS
#HeartParent
#CHDAwareness
#HeartMonth

Heart week from a friend day-4

One of my childhood friend Jasmine Gilgosch who has CHD is doing this heart week post on Facebook. I know allot of people not award of this and she gave me permission to post each one on my blog. I been following her story for a while and I believe you should too. Below is day four and I hope we all learn something because I’ll be posting all of them.

Day #4- Heart Warrior; I am the Heart Warrior in this post. I’ve fought through so much to get here today. I’ve fought through heart related traumas as well as other traumas life has thrown my way. This last summer I had a huge wake up call and I am so, so happy to be here. I wasn’t supposed to make it to five and yet here I am. I’m finally pursuing my dreams and making a life for myself. I never thought I’d make it this far in life due to heart related and non-heart related issues. I know it’s a little late in life to get started and I still have some worries about my future but I’m determined to fight for as long as I can and make an amazing life for myself.

#CHDWeek
#HRHS
#CHDAwareness
#HeartMonth

Heart week from a friend day-3

One of my childhood friend Jasmine Gilgosch who has CHD is doing this heart week post on Facebook. I know allot of people not award of this and she gave me permission to post each one on my blog. I been following her story for a while and I believe you should too. Below is day three and I hope we all learn something because I’ll be posting all of them.

Day #3- Surgery; I’ve had 3 open heart surgeries and they are as follows:

BT Shunt- I was a day old when they performed this surgery. This was the one where they called up to Boston. Essentially during this surgery the surgeon inserts an artificial tube to provide blood flow to the lungs.

Hemi-Fontan I was a year old when this was performed. This surgery is a preparatory surgery for the final Fontan procedure. During this surgery they focus on the superior vena cava (SVC) with the branch pulmonary arteries, augmentation of the central pulmonary arteries, occlusion of the inflow of the SVC into the right atrium, and elimination of other sources of pulmonary blood flow.

Fontan- I was two years old for this procedure. This surgery connects the pulmonary artery and the inferior vena cava. Once this producer is done oxygen-rich and oxygen-poor blood no longer mix. Unfortunately, there is a down side to the Fontan. Though it’s life saving it causes issues later in life. All Fontan patients will suffer some sort of liver issues in life. It can be minor or major. The price we have to pay to live.

I’ve also had 11 heart caths over the years. The most recent being June of 2018.

Keep in mind surgeries and heart caths are NOT A CURE. They are a temporary fix.

#CHDWeek
#HRHS
#CHDAwareness
#HeartMonth

Heart week from a friend day-2

One of my childhood friend Jasmine Gilgosch who has CHD is doing this heart week post on Facebook. I know allot of people not award of this and she gave me permission to post each one on my blog. I been following her story for a while and I believe you should too. Below is day two and I hope we all learn something because I’ll be posting all of them today .

Day #2- Hospital(s); I was born in Bradenton but once they discovered I was a severe case I was rushed over to All Children’s Hospital in St. Petersburg. I’m so thankful for everyone at ACH. Granted, my first surgery was performed while a phone call up to Boston was being held since no one knew enough to do the surgery all on their own. They learned over time and I’m so blessed to have been put into the hands of the doctors I was and the hospital it once was.

This past summer I had my most recent heart cath at St. Joseph’s in Tampa. My nurses were amazing and the doctor who spoke to me was firm but kind. The only complaint I have about that hospital is the bitch, yes, bitch who performed my heart cath. I’m thankful she did a good job but her bedside manner was HORRIBLE. I guess that’s adult doctors for ya.

#CHDWeek
#HRHS
#HeartMonth
#CHDAwareness

Heart week from a friend day-1

One of my childhood friend Jasmine Gilgosch who has CHD is doing this heart week post on Facebook. I know allot of people not award of this and she gave me permission to post each one on my blog. I been following her story for a while and I believe you should too. Below is day one and I hope we all learn something because I’ll be posting all of them today.

HEART WEEK IS FINALLY HERE!!

Day #1- Diagnosis; Hypoplastic Right Heart Syndrome with pulmonary artery atresia. When I was born the right side of my heart was pretty much non existent with this specific kind when I was born the pulmonary valve between the right ventricle and pulmonary artery is not formed. This was very scary back in 1993. It’s still sad when someone is diagnosed with CHD but back then there was no way to really detect it and doctors didn’t know to look for it so I was literally born and apparently wasn’t breathing like any normal baby should have been. It was a rough start from the beginning but I’ve clearly and thankfully made it through.

A new diagnosis that isn’t 100% heart related but can be and is still concerning recently came to me this summer. I had blood clots sitting in my left lung for years apparently and though my hospital stay helped to break them down because they had been sitting for so long I’m now missing the lower lobe of my left lung and unfortunately that’s permanent damage.

My body was already slowing down due to the natural effects of my CHD but losing half a lung definitely hasn’t helped. I still push through and make the most of this life I was blessed to live every single day.

#CHDWeek
#Diagnosis
#HRHS
#HeartMonth

Trust

When I saw that this was the first word of the day, I thought of my girlfriend.

Since most people betrayed me before we got together. So most likely I’d to learn how to trust again.

She even notices herself that my trust was mess up and I’m glad she wasn’t afraid to mention that to me because she could have left a while back and it also allow myself to work on myself.

Deep down inside I knew I trusted her because she basically tells me everything that involves in her life. Any small problem or big she calls. No matter the time she always calls and I’m right there to listen and help the best way I can.

I started to realize she is really honest. And she trusts me to allot too.

No matter the situation, don’t allow someone from your past who treated you bad put an awful taste in people because you met that one bad person. It’ll have you thinking nonstop and make everything weird when you trying to get to know that person.

Today is going okay, trying to get some gaming in and so far it’s going well. If you reading this I hope you’re having a good day.

http://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/02/11/trust/

Quote #1

I was messing around on Facebook until I saw some inspiration words that I’d to share. It didn’t say who made the quote but I can tell they have a smart understanding about life and probably went though somethings. But here is the quote and I hope you’re having a good Sunday.

You might be poor, your shoes might be broken, but your mind is a palace.
Some good words eh?